The Greatest Christmas Story Ever Told (Real Estate Version)

mike-bell-authorBy Mike Bell  |  Read Bio

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Updated (11am 12/24)

The original version (bottom of page) is a great story, albeit with a slightly sad ending. However, we’ve updated this page with a NEW version, sent in by Shelly Brunette. Enjoy!


Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

My signs were all out and brochure boxes loaded
The ad copy in and the lock boxes coded.

I just wrote an offer with that 1 perfect buyer
eeghads its so low…they say they won’t go any higher

So I call up my seller with the not so good news
And they agree to meet with me…what have they got to lose

So we sit at the table & I do what I do best
Crunch numbers, talk deadlines and give it a rest

So the sellers agree and get ready to sign
And then they exclaim… “We’ve got an equity line!”

More crunching & digging to find extra money
The sellers are smiling…but this really isn’t funny

3 months on the market with nary a showing
Now I have an offer and not sure how its going

And that’s when they ask what I don’t want to hear
“Can you cut your commission?” and they crack open a beer

What I need is a Martini while relaxing by a pool
I reply that “I can’t…it’s a company rule”

So I ring up the buyer right there on the spot
I need to know if they’ll consider a counter or not

To my surprise they speak up, ‘we’ve got $5000 more’
If its signed tonight we’ll accept it, but absolutely no more.

So back to sellers for signatures on the line
They him & they haw & then finally sign

I email the buyer and get their reply
Accepted as countered, Now I’m flying high

The sellers are happy as I walk out the door
It’s just 9pm, I can stop at the store

I pick up some goodies for my own Christmas treat
Head home to chill out and put up my feet.

When I drive up to my house it is such a great sight
All lit up for the holidays with the lights oh so bright

A smile crosses my face as I thought it just might
“Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night”!

Shelly Brunette

The Original Version

T’was an hour before closing, and the office was tense
The first closing in months was about to commence

With the economy a mess and underwriting requirements so tight
Who would believe there’d be a closing tonight!

Expenses were up, financials in the red
But visions of commissions danced in the agents’ heads

The loan was approved by the lender’s good grace
Everyone knew it was a borderline case

The purchasers divorced and remarried again
Divorced once more and now were just friends

The loan package complete, to the attorney it was carried
With instructions to close before the purchasers remarried

The title policy was ordered and when it arrived
There were judgments and liens… how could this loan survive?

The title was cleared and the closing was set
The lender’s requirements had finally been met

Lo & behold, the buyers were short seventy-four cents!

The broker gave a quarter, the attorney a dime
And the sellers held a mortgage for the other thirty nine

With all this settled and closing at hand
Everyone wondered, “What else will the lender demand?”

When all of a sudden, the phone rang with a clatter
The broker sprang from his chair to see what was the matter

He answered the phone, all could tell by his groan
T’was the lender on the other end of the phone

Everyone listened as he sputtered and coughed
They knew in a flash that the closing was off

The attorneys and agents were scurrying around
And the buyers and sellers, they all broke down

Then more rapid than eagles his epithets came
He screamed and shouted and called them by name:

Now buyers, now sellers, both women and men
Now brokers, now lawyers, now lenders and friends

The closing is off, what more can I say
Than ‘Happy Holidays’ to all… and to all a good day!

Author Unknown

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